Confidence, a state of mind

We think we know confidence when we see it, and perhaps more importantly we know when we feel it. Some people appear to be naturally more confident than others. Others find it far harder to reach, even when their achievements and talents suggest they should feel it. For many there is one particular situation, presenting to a group for example, that is the real challenge.

Confidence is a state of mind

Unfortunately there is no set of rules about confidence that we can simply learn. If there was, we would all be handed the rule book at school and very few of us would suffer from a lack of it. Confidence is instead the product of other positive states of mind. It comes from a feeling of wellbeing, acceptance of your self, an appreciation of your mind, and a belief in your abilities, skills and achievements.

With a secure sense of self you will naturally feel more confident facing the rest of the world, and having a set of techniques that work for you when the nerves arrive can make a real difference.

Why we may lack confidence

Many people live with low self confidence for a variety of reasons: a fear of criticism, past experience of failure, unhappiness with how they look, or a feeling of being unprepared and out of their depth. The last of those often relates to a particular role or situation and can be addressed through planning and preparation. Some of the others are longer standing and take more work.

The voice in the head

We all have it. We talk to ourselves so much of the time that we stop noticing most of it. Start listening to that inner voice, though, and you may notice it is often unhelpful, particularly going into a situation where we already feel less sure of ourselves. Talk to yourself negatively and the feeling deepens, until there is a risk the emotion takes over. That is the moment the nerves show and we appear less confident to everyone else.

Imagine the real best case scenario rather than the absolute worst case. Simple sounding, and so effective.

All is not always as it seems

Many people who appear confident are nothing of the sort. What they are offering the onlooker is an approximation of confident behaviour as they understand it. By understanding the body language, tone of voice and choice of words that signal confidence, it is perfectly possible to appear confident. It can be reassuring to remember that nobody knows how you are feeling. They only make assumptions based on what they see and hear.

Real confidence, however, comes from a deeper sense of strength, from understanding and appreciating who we are as people, what we are capable of and what we have achieved, along with the skill of managing how we feel. Confidence begets confidence, and with practice what starts out as learned behaviour soon reflects a genuine inner self confidence.